I Want To Be A Child Again
Feeling sad. Depressed. Low energy. Want to quit. Not want to do anything. Run away from home. Go to hell everything. I do not want anything. I do not like anything. Everyone is not good. Some are bad. I want to quit and want to leave home to some distant place where there is no restriction no boundary of any time.
Want to do work that inspires me but how do I quit? How to start working on things I love? I have many important responsibilities of my family. And I do not want to depress them. How should I start? Where to start? What to start?
No idea coming to my mind. Feeling that I have lost somewhere in this world. I want to run away from everyone. What should I do so that due to me my family won’t suffer? How to start my life as usual?
There was a time when I am not concerned about anything. Everything was going as planned. But suddenly one day I am out of Job. I am out of the money. Now I have to start from zero. From ground level as I was 11 years ago like a fresher searching for a job.
At that time I was energized and want to fulfill my dreams and do something that everyone wants to follow and do. But now the situation is different. Now I have many responsibilities on my shoulder. Now I am not able to find work as free minded as I was a fresher a long time back.
How do I start my work so that everything is in its place? My life is cluttered. Now I am feeling depressed as I am no one. I am out of this world. I do not exist anymore.
Where are the days gone when I was so enthusiast that I created my website alone? I am super excited about the life and the challenges. Now that feeling of happiness is gone. I am again in the middle of the ocean.
Where to go? How do I set my mind to the positivism? I am out of job for around 9 months now. I am sitting at home and doing small things which never gave me the confidence to run my life.
I do not want to live the rat race of life. I want to go out of this rat race and become a self that others want to follow. I want to become a person others want to follow.
From the outside I am the same old person with a great smile, greeting others and happy go, lucky person. But from inside I am broke. Broke to an extent that now I do not want to live I want to run way somewhere.
Where to start again? This is the main questions I am trying to answer to myself. I am such a dumb now that everyone want to kick and laugh at. There is no energy left in me. I am done with my life.
I do not see any new road in life. There is no path where I want to go. I am in total blindness. I do not care about others anymore. Like previously, I used to care about a lot. But now my heart feels that nothing is good. Everything is bad. Go to hell everyone.
That was the actual feeling coming from my heart. I do not want to any work. Simply go to some place and sit alone and cry out loud like no one is listening and shout at walls to give out my anger. I want to cry hard as possible no stop for hours.
Feeling very depressed. Its like life is over and now there is nothing left in me to do. No work for me in this outer world. I want to quit and jump in a pool full of water as no body is watching.
I want to become like a child who has nothing in their mind except the play. They do not have any worries to think about. They are careless, fearless and lots of enjoyment. Play, shout, run and doing everything they want.
I want to become child again. But again the question is same how? How do I do that? I want some one to guide me in my life. How do I enjoy life? I want to live life like children with no worries in their mind.Go to park. Enjoy everything.
So question is How? Where? What?
